Sunday, August 11, 2019

Cool Side of The Pillow

My therapist and my dietician would tell me that progress in these situations is measured in a circular spiral that trends upward on a graph. 

When we as a society try to lose weight we get caught up in the mindset that the only way to measure progress is via the scale. Because of this, the only acceptable measure is a straight line graph that trends upward as more pounds are shed. This is a falsehood and should not hold (pardon the pun) much weight.

So many times, if the scale does not reflect our effort we are completely deflated and discouraged.  This can trigger the feelings of inadequacy and cause the cycle of food related anxiety to ramp up and boom you are eating outside of your values again. We need to forgive ourselves and allow some slack in the proverbial blame game. 

Over the last eighteen to twenty-four months I have watched just what was described to me happen. I have seen and upward trending circular line that ebbs and flows but overall trends in a positive direction. Does the scale reflect an overwhelming measure of this effort? Probably not by most standards, but that is ok because overall and in the big picture there are many, many more positives happening in my quest to be healthy. Healthy at any weight.

Most of what I have written about up til now has been about the downside of being obese. Really not just obese but living an unhealthy lifestyle outside of my values. The side of the graph that seems to backslide or ebb.  But today is different. Today I write about the forward progress, the positive things that are happening in my life.

The last two and half to three weeks have seen me make great strides in my quest to live a fulfilling and healthy lifestyle.  I'll start out by saying that over this same period the scale has not moved one inch in either direction. Yet here I am to tell you about the positives that are happening.  The small victories that are piling up.

In the past couple of weeks I have found myself really accepting that movement for me on any form is going to come with some aches and pains.  Weighing in close to 600 pounds comes with some caveats. What I came to realize is the pain that I used as a reason to not do something isn't really real.  That is not to say that I am not sore and don't hurt. All of that is true, I hurt.  But I never remember the pain when I set out to do something. If I have to walk any distance I am going to get winded and my foot is going to hurt, there is going to be discomfort. BUT SO FUCKING WHAT!. I am going hurt not doing anything too. So I might as well get out there and just do it.  The things I am talking about are the normal things that most people take for granted everyday. When you are encumbered with anxiety and extra physical weight the simplest tasks can seem monumental. 

These past weeks have found me moving a lot more and crossing things off my projects list. Oh, and living life, going out for meals and events. Balancing my home responsibilities and the commitments I have made to my wife and others was something that had become very hard for me. I can now see some slack in the tension here. 

The proverbial spring in my step and gleam in my eye are starting to return. My energy levels are up and I am eating well and for once feel like my goals are attainable even if they are still not well defined.  

All the things that are happening for me are due to all the hard work that I have put into me and the help and support that I am receiving from friends, family, loved ones and support staff. 

The scale will never measure these things. It will never measure the small victories that pile up into overall forward progress. The scale will never reflect the smile on your wife's face when she sees you taking on a project around the house, or coming out of your shell and socializing.  The scale will never measure the satisfaction and confidence built by living life inside of your values.

But the upward trending spiral line will.....

I've heard it said somewhere "Spiral Out, Keep Going"  It's never rang truer for me. Get out there and get after it today.  Work on your projects, work on yourself, and forgive yourself the ebbs in your life.



Thursday, August 1, 2019

Not In The Brochure

One of the great things about having little to no self esteem is that no single life accomplishment is any greater than another. They are all just days of the week. Since I hated myself, things like high school and college diplomas were just sheets of paper to land me a better job. These accomplishments did not mean a thing to me. They were not celebrated. Plus I am someone that really has a job not a career. That is not to say that I don't like what I do but it is not the dream gig. Also, I never bothered to care what the job title under my name ever said either. As long as I was making a fair wage I was good. 

One of the things I have learned over the last few years is all this is not normal. During my journey, I have been fortunate enough to have surrounded myself with career women. Ladies who have worked hard  to get where they are and are extremely passionate and skilled at what they do. First, my wife made me very aware of the difference between and Interior Decorator and a Senior Interior Designer. Today I learned another important difference, that being the difference between Nutritionist and Dietician. In today's age of "internet experts" and tribal knowledge anyone can voice their opinion on any given subject. In the diet industry, and it's a shame there is an industry, there are a lot of "experts" there is Keto, and Adkins and Weight Watchers and a host of others all competing for a piece of this multi billion dollar industry. But it is only the information that can be relied on from a college educated, certified Dietician that can provide you with a balanced approach to food and it's interaction with your body.  

I want to give every amount of credit here where it is due.  I made an error in referring to my highly skilled, very professional Dietician as a Nutritionist and for that I am very sorry and it shows another facet of how ignorant I am on the subject of food and a healthy diet. 
If you should ever find yourself in need of dietary help I urge you to seek out a professional Dietician and if you want a great one let me know, I will gladly give you her contact information.