The Shrinking of The Heads (Chapter 4)

Help is always where you look?  However you must being a willing participant and willing to also put in the work.  

Often times it is the asking for help that is the hardest part.  We must put those feelings aside.

The stigma in this country surrounding mental health and the people that need the help needs to be put to rest in this country and culture. 

One of the common themes I will write, preach, and bitch about is that the help people need in the medical industry (it is an industry) is not anywhere as easy to find and pay for as it should be. Not to mention the level of care (as if) is sometimes appalling. They call it medical care, but what it is feels a lot more like not caring, it is a lot of extra work by the patient to find providers that care, and follow through with that care. The insurance companies are also almost criminal in their coverage or lack thereof.

When I buy car insurance they don't tell me what roads I can drive on. There is no stay out of Michigan clause! Sure there are sheep that go for the plug in "discount" modules but that's a whole other support group.  Yet the health insurance industry has made up networks and lined its pockets with the blood money of patients everywhere.

When I first started this journey we were told of a nutrition/workout program sponsored by a local hospital.  We went to an initial meeting and it sounded like something that could have really kick started my willingness to get healthy. However my hopes were dashed, this program was not aligned with my insurance companies network. No soup for me. Oh but wait, my lovely wife's insurance company does cover it! Hallelujah! I'm in! Oh nope, sorry you can't jump insurance companies. Go get your help elsewhere. Now my hamstring hurts!!!!

Ok we got a little off topic here back to the mental health thing. 

I love therapy! Yep love it and think everyone should go. The world would be a lot better place if everyone went to therapy and opened up a little. 

This is my second time that I have been in therapy.  The first time was in 2011-2012 and it really taught me a lot about myself.

As I gained more weight I became more and more shut off to my "normal" life.  I started to shut down and become unable to do the things in my life that most people take for granted. Not just physically unable to do things because of my broken foot, but becoming increasingly anxious about doing anything that would cause me discomfort. This was, as I have come to realize a manifestation of the symptoms of my total unhealthy state. I was completely devoid of any energy due to my sleep apnea, the folks that corrected my foot caused some collateral damage with some arthritis in my knees and I just generally was feeling like shit.

In August of 2018, after spending 4-5 months spinning my wheels talking with two other counselors, and waiting for three months for an appointment with a highly recommended therapist my appointment date arrived and I could finally work on coming out of this fog.

One of the many things I love about therapy is learning about myself and becoming mindful of my habits and proclivities. Just being aware is a huge part of the battle. Through the work I have done in therapy I have been given the mental tools to let go of the things that were hindering my success.  I have learned that the food that I once used for comfort and "sport eating" no longer has that power over me. I have also learned that there should be no such thing as a diet. I am learning to make life long changes to a healthier me. I am embracing the "healthy at any weight" philosophy.  I realize that the BMI ratings are skewed and  that not everybody will fall within that standard.  I have learned to go easier on myself and that whatever my condition it is ok, it is just my albatross, the thing that I have to deal with in my life.

I am starting to heal.

Along the way things like gratitude and love come back into your life.  I am grateful for everyone's encouragement through this and it is not even close to being over. Buckle up, pour a cocktail, kick up your feet and enjoy the ride.....and if you find yourself in a spot of bother and need some help, please do yourself the favor and get the help, its not easy but you are worth it.

Miked


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