Just a Bull In The Head

Ever have to interact with someone whose personality is so grating that the level of loathing you feel towards them raises the bar to new levels? Hell maybe for you, it's me.

What would you do if you found out that this person had similar interests? What if they enjoyed the same things you did? Would yo claim you hate those things? Would you stop doing them or stop taking joy from the activity simply because it now reminded you of him/her?

My family heritage lends itself to playing the part of the bullhead and I would either stop the activity or act as though I disliked the spoken activity. I know it is silly and childish but sometimes the personality is so grating so mind numbing that this is the only option. I am not really talking about relationships that are optional but more like people you are forced to interact with at work or some other setting where you are outside your comfort zone.

Miked




Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Truckstop Update

As many of you know I have become back amongst the ranks of the employed. I have been very fortunate and blessed over the 3 plus years and I believe I am now on the road to recovery and prosperity.

I thank you all for your love and support.

Miked


Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Evolution can only do so much for a man.

The Miked

Faith N. Hope, You Can Be A Devious Whore

I have always believed that there is a reason for everything and that I will always manage to get by. That all this clawing and scratching is somehow worth it. That I will be delivered from this purgatory back to middle America with a keener sense of self-worth and euphoric glaze in once again being able to contribute to the economy in a positive manner.

This week as been nothing short of a total test of my wits. I try not to get my hopes up and maintain an even keel and then I am at a second interview with my very fate hanging on the decision making skills of two highly trained and driven gentleman who only want the best for their organization. I can see the carrot. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can see long term plans coming together. I try not to get excited because I have heard this all before, numerous times. I am sitting in their office selling myself without trying to sound to desperate. But the fact remains the lifestyle I am living has really started to wear on me this week.

I try to tell myself that all the hard work and the leg cramps from jumping through hoops this past couple of years is all going to be worth it. But lately I am questioning every decision's worth.

I have heard in times of struggle people put their faith to the test. I wonder what they seek out? I wonder how their god sends them a message? Although I do not consider myself materialist I used to get my message every week in the form of a paycheck. That envelope told me that everything was going to all right. I have never considered myself a very religious man. As of late I have been questioning that too. I want to know where exactly hope and Faith collide? Is one a function of the other? I am tired. I am tired of being poor. I am tired of the uncertainty.


Enjoy your day

The Miked



Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

We Live to Survive Our Paradoxes......

Please tell me why it is that every time I turn around I have to sign up for someone's discount card or rewards program so that I can feel good about the excessive amount of money I spend at any given establishment? I don't want and do not have the room for any more discount cards. Why can't we just have one card like say a drivers license that holds all our consumer information? Christ I could have a card for EVERY retail establishment I patronize. That is not to speak of cards for service like the library and such. Are people so insecure in their spending that they have to be rewarded for going where they would normally shop anyhow? Not to mention what is the the "reward"? More calories we don't need or perhaps another video game or movie or what have you. These are not really rewards these are what is slowly killing us. The frivolous spending the over consuming, fuck it. You want to give me a discount? Give me the fucking discount just for being there and spending my money at your establishment. I don't want or need the free DVD after I have spent $10K on shit I don't really need or the coupon for stuff that is a different brand of similar product that I don't buy. I just want my shit at a fair price and don't feel the need to be a part of any other club than US citizen.

Thank You and Good Day

Miked


Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Midnight In the Garden of The Dunbridge Truckstop

Sometimes when I look back on things I can't help but see a struggle between doing what is right and doing what is wrong. It seems there is a struggle of Good and Evil. Not just doing the right thing. Sometimes doing the right thing for me and sometimes being Good at being Evil.

I have always tried to do the right thing. I have sometimes become this reflection of the false identity people saw me for. I was no angel back in the day that's for sure. I am trying to do better now but still grapple with the the struggle of being the real me and being the dumb fat kid people can write me off for. It can be said that I have not always done my best at promoting otherwise. I was very good at being Evil.

The mind games we play with ourselves in order to justify our behaviors is maddening. I know that if I want to bad enough I can justify my bad behavior to anyone. The big question is why can't I sell the good side of myself with the same fervor?

There are times when I feel trapped by my past. Perhaps it was because they were happier more carefree times.

I feel I am right there on the cusp. Almost ready to walk upright again. Trying to get used to a new skin. A skin I would not have asked for. I am trying to make the best of what comes my way. It can be hard to remain optimistic.

I feel and hope that this is at times karma kicking my ass and then in the next moment I feel and hope this is all just practice for the better times ahead. Either way I know know I feel the real me evolving, mutating becoming the person I want to be. The person with good things ahead. I have seen and done Evil and been good at it. Time to put it to rest.

Miked


Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Selfish Fucks....

Alright I get it. You are in the coffee shoppe and you run into someone you know and you start to catch up. Pretty soon you are talking about the kids and vacation and the shit you are doing at church. Gail says she can't believe how good Cindy looks and Tom and Bill start talking golf. So nice to see old friends lamenting on times gone by.
It seems the coffee shoppe is well equipped, they have plenty of seats and a case full of tremendous baked goods. Yummy treats for sure. There is a small group of patrons waiting in an unusual line to freshen up their morning cup of Joe. The crowd seems unusual for this place. Normally things flow very smoothly through the self service coffee station. Patients is waning as more and more people are forced to squeeze in this normally free flowing area.
The engineer in me looks for the root cause of the problem. It seems very simple to me.
SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUSH GAIL, CINDY, BILL AND TOM THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE COFFEE!!!!! There are perfectly good seats available for kibitz. But no you selfish fucks need to stand there, oblivious to the fact that you are totally holding up the show. Not for a minute in passing. But for ten to fifteen minutes. In the great words of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman "Choke Yourself!"
Thanks for your time.

Miked



Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Kids Table.

I am pretty comfortable in my own skin. I am still learning a lot about my self and trying to grow and become a better person. But it was during my travels to the great state of Illinois that I realized that I still have much work to do.
It is true that I really don't care where I lay my head down when I want to go to sleep and I would not try to inconvenience anyone for special accommodations. Last night as I lay my head down on the floor (which is fine) I realize that I am not snuggling next to my girlfriend. I am not curled up with my wife but I am the thirty-seven year old on the living room floor amongst all the other children tucked away in their Sponge Bob Sleeping bags.
I realized that I had been relegated to the kids table. Clearly this thirty-seven year old kid has some unfinished business to attend to.
My life is a never ending series of wondrous events most of which make me feel awkward and anxious. It has been a great ride and I would not change it for the world.


Miked

Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Moon over Seneca, IL

Here is the lovely view from our hacienda in beautiful downtown Seneca, IL. Thanks to all the folks in the crew for making this possible. Really, Thanks! I love you all!


Miked



Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

F4 this mother nature!

Sure mother nature you have some power. However my bike and I made your head wind our bitch this morning! Touche with the sweat in my eye! well played, well played!

Miked





Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Of Weddings of Mass Destruction......

......As I sit here watching a new chapter of life unfold I can't help but think about the weddings we attended in our 20's. My circle was nothing if not beer swilling party animals hell bent on the discourteous destruction of property.....other peoples property.
I jettison ahead 15-20 years and I am watching these kids let their hair down in the wake of massive property destruction. Most of the people here were directly effected or is close friends with someone whose whole life was turned upside down by the fiendish work of tornadoes.

Miked

Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Don"t Be a Stranger....Don't Be Stranger?.....Could I Be Any Stranger?

Where is it that your support system can stand up and be recognized? Why is it that you can stick yourself out there and offer yourself up and in the end you are basking in the deep end of Eden's Irony Water park?

I tend to think of my social life as a series of intertwined circles where all my different groups of friends are on different circles and the common point is me. I know this plays right into the six degrees of separation theory but that's just how I see it.

The women that are on these circles (with few exceptions) that I have tried to form relationships with all seem to having one thing in common. They don't give a fuck about me. Even if they think or say they do they end up having the most obscure or sublime way of showing it.

I usually deal with like I do most other things and that is to find the humor in it. To add to them the list of characters out there on some intertwined circle that I can never seem to relate to but am always willing to help out.

I try to chock all this up as another learning experience and try not to harbor any Costanza like bitterness.

Miked

Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Maybe It Was Dr. Seuss

Today I learned a lot about the who I am.
Today I learned a lot about the what I am.
Today I learned a lot about the why I am.
The who I am is me.
The why I am is me.
The what I am is me.
It's not so easy being me.
I need to keep learning.
Keep taking charge.
I need to keep growing.
I need to become the who I want to be.



Miked



Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Moments of Growth Take Years of Evloution

A day of days.
A reckoning for certain.
If only there was scrutiny.
Reflections help clarify.
Open mind show reasons why.
Make the most of the opportunity.
Growth is right there for the taking.
Taking so long in the making.
Evolution can be painful.
When you're learning to be mind-full.

The Miked


Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

How Could I Afford Not To? (that is of course, if I had the money)

Not knowing things were different.
Wishing things weren't the same.
Why did you have to call?
No other place to lay blame.
Reflexes in check.
Some would say it was meddling.
And it is if you don't concern yourself.
I hope that not where you're from.
There's always a price to pay.
There's always something in it for you.
With a sale like this.
How could I afford not to?

Miked


Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Frozen In Time

Sometimes life progresses so slow it is hard to realize that you may be moving forward. Couple this with the fact that everyone has a different opinion of what it means to be moving forward. I still find myself relating to the younger generations and sometimes feel that my social evolution train stopped somewhere around the time when I turned 25. Yet I have taken on all the other responsibilities of the typical 37 year old. I struggle to find exactly what this means and if this point of view somehow holds me back. I think often about the relationships I have bulldozed through and can't help to reflect that most of the time my maturity level was on par with the common 7 year old.

And then there is the other side of me that has kicked and scratched and clawed his mind out in order to keep up on the mortgage and other responsibilities of the modern 37 year old. This leads me to the question of why can't I put the same belief in my personal relationships as I can with all my other obligations?

I am not complaining I take complete ownership of my actions and for the most part look back on things with great fondness. I just find myself trying to put meaning on it all.

Miked




Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

That's Why

There is no need for this to go any further.
I can already tell that someone has staked their claim.
There is no need to apologize and 'nough said.
I see you carry the mark. The dowry paid.
Couldn't help but notice the friend you made.

Miked



Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Springtime In Dunbridge (for all the lovers in the house)

I just finished the first mowing of the season. It is with this great ritual, the changing from snow plow to mower deck that I am reminded just how fortunate I am. Because I was again mowing the grass here at The Truckstop I must have made it through another winter. Winter seems to be the real test of will and wits alike here in the great Midwest. Couple this with the fact that this week marks the third year that I have not been gainfully employed. I would have never guessed in a million years that my life's script would have played out this way. Even though things remain frustrating on the employment front I have much to be thankful for. I could not have made it through this far without the love and support from friends and family. It is though the love and support from people like you, and you, and you, and you, and you and you and you and you oh and you too and you as well, and in the back yeah you, and you and you, and you and you, you and you and you and you and you. I love you all.

Miked



Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

We Live To Survive Our Paradoxes, Part 4

Why is it that most of the things we find near and dear to us our usually pretty threadbare? I think we all have that favorite old pair of jeans or those shoes that won't go away despite their malodorous reputation. It would stand to reason that we would latch on to something fresh and new but yet we always turn back to our old friends.

This seems to stem from early childhood I think that most of us had the coveted "security blanket" I know I did and the day I burned it in the back yard with my father when he was burning leaves had to be my first taste of a funeral.

Right now I have on a pair of jeans that has lost pretty much all of of it luster and I am sure that my family and friends are sick of seeing me in them but they are just so much more comfortable then the new ones that I got for Christmas as a hint to get rid of the ones I am currently wearing. Each time I send them through the laundry cycle they wear out a little more. The back pockets are starting to fray away from the rest of the pants. The front is starting to show signs of wear and tear and yet they just seem to get better. Like a fine wine?

I find similar situations with a lot of my friends. Most of my friends I have known for many many years and although our lives seem to fray and parts of the relationship seem to be pulled from the main body they are still the best friends I could ask for. They all have threadbare back stories and different life experiences but they are all really good friends.

Is it strange that in other aspects of out lives we do not stand for such things? If the car starts to rust we get a new one. If the paint wears off the house we immediately freshen it up. But when it comes to our favorite pair of trousers battered is better.

Miked

Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Wilco, Death Cab, My Morning Jacket on Bonnaroo Climate Change Comp

Wilco, Death Cab, My Morning Jacket on Bonnaroo Climate Change Comp

We Live To Survive Our Paradoxes, Part III

It should come to little or know surprise to some of you that I was a total party animal (pronounced social retard) in my early days.

I am a few years past that lifestyle and although I reflect back on that time with the same joy that watching "Animal House" brings, it is hard to shake the legend. Not that I am looking to forget my past. I am maybe looking to apologize and looking for a little glimpse of atonement.
Now here I am trying to live a better life and be a better person. Using my past as motivation of what not to do in life.

I really love tales of drunken escapades and have many, many of my own and they are sacred and I love them like my children. However, how do I explain to someone not to make the same mistakes I made without looking like a hypocrite because I am still in love with about 75% of the shit I did in my former life?

Another thing I have been wrestling with is the perceived double standard between men and women when it comes to casual sex. It is funny how the more women a man sleeps with makes him some sort of social hero yet if a woman sleeps around she is a low grade whore.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I have reconciled this by not believing the double standard. It is a higher standard. Women have a lot more at stake in this department. It is not the man who is gonna get pregnant and the worse case scenario for the man is that he is paying child support for the next eighteen years. Clearly the biggest part of the responsibility falls on the shoulders of the woman.

Miked

Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

You Remind Me Of Someone....Until You Open Your Mouth

Have you ever met someone that you really wanted to like because their mannerisms and physical features reminded you of someone you regarded as super cool?
And then, and then this person opens their mouth and you are shocked back to reality by the fact that this person is really nothing like the person you'd hoped. It can be quite the bummer.

Miked

Copyright 2010 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Suit Up

It only seemed puzzling to Fran.  But she could tell it was of an ordinary trust.  Binding hammers in such a fashion that only the splinters would leave marks.  Wise to the the touch, and fascinated by the sheer mention of it.  Melancholy in its highest form caused by the smallest of cravings.  Reliability that claimed Henry the Gatekeeper.  Frost, tingling with a dry crispness set the tone for what could only be called motionless.  Pleasantly thinking aloud would just not work this time.  You know? Will Swiss time feel any different?

Miked

Published with permission.  Copyright 2004 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media