Its father's day...
For some of you it is about the donation of half. For others, it is the day set aside to foster a relationship forged in a lifetime.
For me it is about reflection and letting go. Really letting go of the grief and the the anger I harbor because my parents both passed away to soon. Anger that they never got to meet my wonderful wife and her family. I believe they would have meshed quite well. Grief for the little things, the unannounced pit stop style pissings in my driveway. The unsolicited yet somehow riveting deep philosophical discussions with my mother. Questioning her faith, all the while testing it. Way to immature to understand the difference.
I sometimes find myself locked in reflection, there were so many good times. There were bad times, but they only reminded us how great the good times are.
Without knowing it I was surrounded in faith. I have lost mine of the last couple of years. I can now see the value. I am not just talking about your chosen religion I am talking about faith in yourself and faith in the ones that love you that comes along for the ride.
To often we are hard on ourselves for lives little proclivities and the things that cause us anxiety. I have learned to forgive myself, I sometimes forget to do that. But as faith in myself creeps back in it becomes more apparent. Faith in ourselves and one another is the glue that holds everything near and dear together. I forgot about that for a while.
As I reflect back on my wonderful parents and the lives they created for my brother and I can see the importance of the faith my parents must've had for themselves and each other. I need to give my self and my wife a little more credit. My parents too for that matter. They are after all the one's who paved the way.
So whatever your father's day situation I ask you to consider a little faith, wherever you find it. Maybe it's right there in a hug, maybe it's just behind the forgiveness, maybe you are lucky enough to clank a glass together and break some bread, doesn't matter just seek out some faith. It's there if you want it.
Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there! Enjoy your day.
Miked
Saturday, June 20, 2020
Sunday, April 26, 2020
Life in Marinade....Pronounced Quarantine
To be fair, I was only looking for something to watch this morning where I could "gork out" and do just a little hiding from the anxious times we live in. There are certain movies I love because of the emotions they stir inside of me or maybe they remind me of a certain time in my life where I was dealing with similar situations.
Here I was on a lazy Sunday morning here in the heartland. The wind was howling with a force not unlike the he said, she said banter between our current president and those who actually know whats gong on, almost hurricane force. I was scanning the channels and came upon "The Family Stone". For those that don't know this is a fabulous movie. It is in my top 10-15. It reminds my of Christmas and the passing of my mother. It is a tear jerker for sure. This movie proved a little to serious for what I was looking for this morning.
Scanning and surfing and scanning and surfing forced my hand to Amazon Prime Video. In perusing the latest offerings according to "my taste" in movies landed me on "It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood". What could be more innocuous or take less mental agility than Mr. Rogers? I could not have been more wrong.
Let me just start by saying that Tom Hanks is an American Treasure and this movie is fantastic.
I was not, even for one single second, emotionally prepared for what I was about to witness. This movie was like a years worth of therapy in an hour and a half. Moreover, Hanks' portrayal of Rogers as the ever patient, although not perfect, sounding board for dealing with the feelings of adolescents everywhere had me thinking of my father. My father was the most genuinely patient man I have ever known. There is a scene in the movie where Rogers is spending time with a young boy and his family as part of a Make-A-Wish campaign. Although my father was always GDI (god damn independent) and never affiliated officially with any group, benevolent or not, he loved nothing more than helping those in need and if someone wanted to learn a skill my dad possessed, well there was just no better teacher, period.
The thing about life that no one wants to talk about is feelings. How ironic, the one thing we all have in common and most are scared of revealing. It took me a long time to realize the importance of feelings. I spent the better part of my lifetime burying them and attempting to dodge them at all costs. There was a wake of damage both to myself and others I came into contact with.
I have learned that the real power is in the vulnerability and the compassion, not in the exhaustive work that comes with avoidance and becoming a cold callus zombie.
I have said this before, as my super heroes continue to get hip replacements, knee replacements and heart procedures you realize we are all victims of the human condition. It just boils down to time spent. It is no longer about outdoing someone or feeding the ego. It is about enjoying the company you keep and love, and forgiving them for their misgivings. There are no directions here, get the help where you can. Be available in the here and now, this moment, you won't get a second chance.
Miked
Here I was on a lazy Sunday morning here in the heartland. The wind was howling with a force not unlike the he said, she said banter between our current president and those who actually know whats gong on, almost hurricane force. I was scanning the channels and came upon "The Family Stone". For those that don't know this is a fabulous movie. It is in my top 10-15. It reminds my of Christmas and the passing of my mother. It is a tear jerker for sure. This movie proved a little to serious for what I was looking for this morning.
Scanning and surfing and scanning and surfing forced my hand to Amazon Prime Video. In perusing the latest offerings according to "my taste" in movies landed me on "It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood". What could be more innocuous or take less mental agility than Mr. Rogers? I could not have been more wrong.
Let me just start by saying that Tom Hanks is an American Treasure and this movie is fantastic.
I was not, even for one single second, emotionally prepared for what I was about to witness. This movie was like a years worth of therapy in an hour and a half. Moreover, Hanks' portrayal of Rogers as the ever patient, although not perfect, sounding board for dealing with the feelings of adolescents everywhere had me thinking of my father. My father was the most genuinely patient man I have ever known. There is a scene in the movie where Rogers is spending time with a young boy and his family as part of a Make-A-Wish campaign. Although my father was always GDI (god damn independent) and never affiliated officially with any group, benevolent or not, he loved nothing more than helping those in need and if someone wanted to learn a skill my dad possessed, well there was just no better teacher, period.
The thing about life that no one wants to talk about is feelings. How ironic, the one thing we all have in common and most are scared of revealing. It took me a long time to realize the importance of feelings. I spent the better part of my lifetime burying them and attempting to dodge them at all costs. There was a wake of damage both to myself and others I came into contact with.
I have learned that the real power is in the vulnerability and the compassion, not in the exhaustive work that comes with avoidance and becoming a cold callus zombie.
I have said this before, as my super heroes continue to get hip replacements, knee replacements and heart procedures you realize we are all victims of the human condition. It just boils down to time spent. It is no longer about outdoing someone or feeding the ego. It is about enjoying the company you keep and love, and forgiving them for their misgivings. There are no directions here, get the help where you can. Be available in the here and now, this moment, you won't get a second chance.
Miked
Sunday, December 8, 2019
Progress is Progress
Because of what I'm doing is so often thought of as weight loss I can see where the outsiders would say that I have not seen much progress. To the uninitiated, most members of our society would say that is the only way, a diet, and while it is true a "diet plan" will cause you to lose weight but they are not maintainable. If they were, Oprah wouldn't be a billionaire owner in WW and Jenny Craig would've been out of business long ago. If I may be critical of these two aforementioned systems, they are a business and if you believe for one second they care if you lose weight you are dead wrong.
For many of us, our weight gain (or loss if that's your thing) is the manifestation of other issues in your life. Anxiety and stress set us off on a cycle of behavior that, in the moment, seem comforting and calming. In reality this pattern of behavior becomes a mask for, or a distraction for, the pain we are really truly experiencing.
My weight loss will be the by product of having started down a road of changing behaviors. Behaviors that have been a part of me for most of my 47 years. Undoing a history of bad decisions and habits has proved no easy task.
Today I measure my progress not just in just pounds lost, but in living a much healthier lifestyle. While it is true I still have much more work to do I can look back and not have to be afraid of zucchini and I now know the things that trigger my unsavory behavior and I can me mindful not to fall into those cycles.
But it all takes time. I can't undo all this in a day or a week or a month or two years. It is a lifestyle change. I am lucky because it is going to take me the rest of my life to get better. A little better every day.
Please be kind to yourselves, do the work, take the time, don't give up.
For many of us, our weight gain (or loss if that's your thing) is the manifestation of other issues in your life. Anxiety and stress set us off on a cycle of behavior that, in the moment, seem comforting and calming. In reality this pattern of behavior becomes a mask for, or a distraction for, the pain we are really truly experiencing.
My weight loss will be the by product of having started down a road of changing behaviors. Behaviors that have been a part of me for most of my 47 years. Undoing a history of bad decisions and habits has proved no easy task.
Today I measure my progress not just in just pounds lost, but in living a much healthier lifestyle. While it is true I still have much more work to do I can look back and not have to be afraid of zucchini and I now know the things that trigger my unsavory behavior and I can me mindful not to fall into those cycles.
But it all takes time. I can't undo all this in a day or a week or a month or two years. It is a lifestyle change. I am lucky because it is going to take me the rest of my life to get better. A little better every day.
Please be kind to yourselves, do the work, take the time, don't give up.
Friday, November 8, 2019
Gratitude and Other Things Fulfilling
I just wanted to take some time and say thank you! Thank you to everyone who has supported this endeavor that is THE Dunbridge Truckstop. It is no surprise that this all started as a little tongue-in-cheek inside joke. While it is true that we are not exactly going to be the next Ralph Lauren or American Apparel we are able to support a few community events and fundraisers due in part to your continued support and generosity. It has really helped make this fun and being able to give back even on this small scale is very good for the soul. I will forever be grateful to each and every one of you that has shown us some love over the years.
We are unsure of where this is headed, however we are in for the long haul and can't wait to see what is around the next corner. Just know that with your support comes our support. Just know we love each and every one of you and if you have a cause that needs support, maybe just maybe we can help.
The Management
Sunday, September 15, 2019
On Being a Compassionate Asshole.
As someone, who at age forty-six, is just starting to come to terms with their self-esteem or even having one for that matter I had always prided myself as being a proper asshole. Let that sink in, pride in being an asshole? Because I didn't care about myself, because of the pain I was in I couldn't really be expected to care about anyone else either. I would compound this pain by getting into volatile relationships or associating with like minded people in order to think that I was OK.
I always thought my comfort was at the bottom of a Coke can or would be left for me to read as a secret message written in the pattern of pizza grease on the underside of a Myles pizza box. Certainly Hershey kisses would never judge me no matter how many I ate.
Problems were solved with tools like the "well fuck you then" or the "then get the fuck out of here I don't need you" and other niceties that complete the cycle of self loathing. I always thought the colder the better.
The complete irony here is that I was living my life in a manner that was a complete 180 from how I was raised. It's true, my all time favorite show was/is Little House on the Prairie. Yep I said it, Little House. Everything about this show aligned with the way I had been brought up, Love, God, and hard work could allow you to accomplish anything. It was what we were taught and it was certainly how my parents lived their lives.
My first recollection of Little House was sitting in the modest living room of "Grandma Rocky" who lived behind us. If ever there was a kinder woman on the planet, (lest my wife of course) I'll never know. She too embodied the virtues of the Ingalls' and lived by compassion and the proverbial "turn the other cheek".
Here I was attempting to live so far outside of the values I held near and dear. Looking back it was no wonder my life was so chaotic.
Through lots of therapy, I have been able to realign my life with my values. This has also meant that I have disassociated myself with those that were not a positive influence on me. My life is now way more meaningful and I find that I am motivated by personal growth and my own well being more than ever before.
What this means is always trying to take the high road. Part of the dichotomy that my life once was, was struggling with hurting people I thought I was close to and always doing what is right. I was both yin and yang. Classy and charming one minute and monster who wished nothing more than to project as much of my pain from me on to you. Often for no other reason other than I thought that person was wronging me or not living inside the values I held. That made me a ginormous asshole.
Here I am at age 46 a work in progress. Twice in the last two weeks I have had someone from a former life resurface as no fault of their own. One of these people I miss dearly and one not so much. I found myself instantly wanting to step right outside my values, just like old times and deal with these people with a "fuck you" diatribe that would have Josey Wales and William Munny blush. I was searching for that instant gratification, I wanted them to feel the pain that I have associated with them.
Then the best thing happened.
My wife, my life long friends and my new found self all said take the high road, turn the other cheek, do what's right, live within your values. While it is true I would have loved to have blown their hair back a little. It would not have helped me. It may have even triggered a cycle of depressing and self loathing behavior. It may have triggered me to live outside of the values I know that ground me in my full life. I am grateful for them for reminding me that I know what is right and I know what is right for me.
In the words of Neil Young I now have a "kinder gentler machine gun hand" (mouth).
Miked
Sunday, August 11, 2019
Cool Side of The Pillow
My therapist and my dietician would tell me that progress in these situations is measured in a circular spiral that trends upward on a graph.
When we as a society try to lose weight we get caught up in the mindset that the only way to measure progress is via the scale. Because of this, the only acceptable measure is a straight line graph that trends upward as more pounds are shed. This is a falsehood and should not hold (pardon the pun) much weight.
So many times, if the scale does not reflect our effort we are completely deflated and discouraged. This can trigger the feelings of inadequacy and cause the cycle of food related anxiety to ramp up and boom you are eating outside of your values again. We need to forgive ourselves and allow some slack in the proverbial blame game.
Over the last eighteen to twenty-four months I have watched just what was described to me happen. I have seen and upward trending circular line that ebbs and flows but overall trends in a positive direction. Does the scale reflect an overwhelming measure of this effort? Probably not by most standards, but that is ok because overall and in the big picture there are many, many more positives happening in my quest to be healthy. Healthy at any weight.
Most of what I have written about up til now has been about the downside of being obese. Really not just obese but living an unhealthy lifestyle outside of my values. The side of the graph that seems to backslide or ebb. But today is different. Today I write about the forward progress, the positive things that are happening in my life.
The last two and half to three weeks have seen me make great strides in my quest to live a fulfilling and healthy lifestyle. I'll start out by saying that over this same period the scale has not moved one inch in either direction. Yet here I am to tell you about the positives that are happening. The small victories that are piling up.
In the past couple of weeks I have found myself really accepting that movement for me on any form is going to come with some aches and pains. Weighing in close to 600 pounds comes with some caveats. What I came to realize is the pain that I used as a reason to not do something isn't really real. That is not to say that I am not sore and don't hurt. All of that is true, I hurt. But I never remember the pain when I set out to do something. If I have to walk any distance I am going to get winded and my foot is going to hurt, there is going to be discomfort. BUT SO FUCKING WHAT!. I am going hurt not doing anything too. So I might as well get out there and just do it. The things I am talking about are the normal things that most people take for granted everyday. When you are encumbered with anxiety and extra physical weight the simplest tasks can seem monumental.
These past weeks have found me moving a lot more and crossing things off my projects list. Oh, and living life, going out for meals and events. Balancing my home responsibilities and the commitments I have made to my wife and others was something that had become very hard for me. I can now see some slack in the tension here.
The proverbial spring in my step and gleam in my eye are starting to return. My energy levels are up and I am eating well and for once feel like my goals are attainable even if they are still not well defined.
All the things that are happening for me are due to all the hard work that I have put into me and the help and support that I am receiving from friends, family, loved ones and support staff.
The scale will never measure these things. It will never measure the small victories that pile up into overall forward progress. The scale will never reflect the smile on your wife's face when she sees you taking on a project around the house, or coming out of your shell and socializing. The scale will never measure the satisfaction and confidence built by living life inside of your values.
But the upward trending spiral line will.....
I've heard it said somewhere "Spiral Out, Keep Going" It's never rang truer for me. Get out there and get after it today. Work on your projects, work on yourself, and forgive yourself the ebbs in your life.
Miked
COPYRIGHT 2019 DUNBRIDGE TRUCKSTOP GLOBAL MEDIA
When we as a society try to lose weight we get caught up in the mindset that the only way to measure progress is via the scale. Because of this, the only acceptable measure is a straight line graph that trends upward as more pounds are shed. This is a falsehood and should not hold (pardon the pun) much weight.
So many times, if the scale does not reflect our effort we are completely deflated and discouraged. This can trigger the feelings of inadequacy and cause the cycle of food related anxiety to ramp up and boom you are eating outside of your values again. We need to forgive ourselves and allow some slack in the proverbial blame game.
Over the last eighteen to twenty-four months I have watched just what was described to me happen. I have seen and upward trending circular line that ebbs and flows but overall trends in a positive direction. Does the scale reflect an overwhelming measure of this effort? Probably not by most standards, but that is ok because overall and in the big picture there are many, many more positives happening in my quest to be healthy. Healthy at any weight.
Most of what I have written about up til now has been about the downside of being obese. Really not just obese but living an unhealthy lifestyle outside of my values. The side of the graph that seems to backslide or ebb. But today is different. Today I write about the forward progress, the positive things that are happening in my life.
The last two and half to three weeks have seen me make great strides in my quest to live a fulfilling and healthy lifestyle. I'll start out by saying that over this same period the scale has not moved one inch in either direction. Yet here I am to tell you about the positives that are happening. The small victories that are piling up.
In the past couple of weeks I have found myself really accepting that movement for me on any form is going to come with some aches and pains. Weighing in close to 600 pounds comes with some caveats. What I came to realize is the pain that I used as a reason to not do something isn't really real. That is not to say that I am not sore and don't hurt. All of that is true, I hurt. But I never remember the pain when I set out to do something. If I have to walk any distance I am going to get winded and my foot is going to hurt, there is going to be discomfort. BUT SO FUCKING WHAT!. I am going hurt not doing anything too. So I might as well get out there and just do it. The things I am talking about are the normal things that most people take for granted everyday. When you are encumbered with anxiety and extra physical weight the simplest tasks can seem monumental.
These past weeks have found me moving a lot more and crossing things off my projects list. Oh, and living life, going out for meals and events. Balancing my home responsibilities and the commitments I have made to my wife and others was something that had become very hard for me. I can now see some slack in the tension here.
The proverbial spring in my step and gleam in my eye are starting to return. My energy levels are up and I am eating well and for once feel like my goals are attainable even if they are still not well defined.
All the things that are happening for me are due to all the hard work that I have put into me and the help and support that I am receiving from friends, family, loved ones and support staff.
The scale will never measure these things. It will never measure the small victories that pile up into overall forward progress. The scale will never reflect the smile on your wife's face when she sees you taking on a project around the house, or coming out of your shell and socializing. The scale will never measure the satisfaction and confidence built by living life inside of your values.
But the upward trending spiral line will.....
I've heard it said somewhere "Spiral Out, Keep Going" It's never rang truer for me. Get out there and get after it today. Work on your projects, work on yourself, and forgive yourself the ebbs in your life.
Miked
COPYRIGHT 2019 DUNBRIDGE TRUCKSTOP GLOBAL MEDIA
Thursday, August 1, 2019
Not In The Brochure
One of the great things about having little to no self esteem is that no single life accomplishment is any greater than another. They are all just days of the week. Since I hated myself, things like high school and college diplomas were just sheets of paper to land me a better job. These accomplishments did not mean a thing to me. They were not celebrated. Plus I am someone that really has a job not a career. That is not to say that I don't like what I do but it is not the dream gig. Also, I never bothered to care what the job title under my name ever said either. As long as I was making a fair wage I was good.
One of the things I have learned over the last few years is all this is not normal. During my journey, I have been fortunate enough to have surrounded myself with career women. Ladies who have worked hard to get where they are and are extremely passionate and skilled at what they do. First, my wife made me very aware of the difference between and Interior Decorator and a Senior Interior Designer. Today I learned another important difference, that being the difference between Nutritionist and Dietician. In today's age of "internet experts" and tribal knowledge anyone can voice their opinion on any given subject. In the diet industry, and it's a shame there is an industry, there are a lot of "experts" there is Keto, and Adkins and Weight Watchers and a host of others all competing for a piece of this multi billion dollar industry. But it is only the information that can be relied on from a college educated, certified Dietician that can provide you with a balanced approach to food and it's interaction with your body.
I want to give every amount of credit here where it is due. I made an error in referring to my highly skilled, very professional Dietician as a Nutritionist and for that I am very sorry and it shows another facet of how ignorant I am on the subject of food and a healthy diet.
If you should ever find yourself in need of dietary help I urge you to seek out a professional Dietician and if you want a great one let me know, I will gladly give you her contact information.
Miked
COPYRIGHT 2019 DUNBRIDGE TRUCKSTOP GLOBAL MEDIA
One of the things I have learned over the last few years is all this is not normal. During my journey, I have been fortunate enough to have surrounded myself with career women. Ladies who have worked hard to get where they are and are extremely passionate and skilled at what they do. First, my wife made me very aware of the difference between and Interior Decorator and a Senior Interior Designer. Today I learned another important difference, that being the difference between Nutritionist and Dietician. In today's age of "internet experts" and tribal knowledge anyone can voice their opinion on any given subject. In the diet industry, and it's a shame there is an industry, there are a lot of "experts" there is Keto, and Adkins and Weight Watchers and a host of others all competing for a piece of this multi billion dollar industry. But it is only the information that can be relied on from a college educated, certified Dietician that can provide you with a balanced approach to food and it's interaction with your body.
I want to give every amount of credit here where it is due. I made an error in referring to my highly skilled, very professional Dietician as a Nutritionist and for that I am very sorry and it shows another facet of how ignorant I am on the subject of food and a healthy diet.
If you should ever find yourself in need of dietary help I urge you to seek out a professional Dietician and if you want a great one let me know, I will gladly give you her contact information.
Miked
COPYRIGHT 2019 DUNBRIDGE TRUCKSTOP GLOBAL MEDIA
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