Blast from the past

This was originally composed by me on January 20, 2004 and was asked to be re-posted.
Enjoy


A message to you my fellow Americans:

This is a warning, a mention of information designed to inform and support.
I had a terrible mishap, a turn of misfortune that I want to share in order
that it never happens to you or your loved ones.

My tale of woe starts with the running out of my *regular strength* Gold
Bond powder. I went to purchase some more *regular strength* Gold Bond but
fucking Rite Aide was out of it. That's what I get for going to Perrysburg!
I was forced as a consumer to go with the EXTRA STRENGTH Gold Bond. I can
only hope that Dr. Joseph Mengele gets some props for having developed this
torture device in the halls of Auschwitz. Only a Nazi "torture king" would
develop such a product for everyday use.

I was somehow hoping that I was going to enjoy the added benefits of the
EXTRA STRENGTH Gold Bond but this was not the case. Upon application to the
"seed" area I was suddenly doused with gasoline, lit on fire, electrocuted,
and had most of my genital area refinished with a fine cheese grater all at
once. The burning was unlike nothing I have ever felt before and never want
anyone to experience again. That is why I am writing this. For the sake of
mankind.

I sought shelter by returning to the shower in hopes of washing away the
powder and Quenching the fire that was now burning in my groin. THAT JUST
MADE IT WORSE!!!!!

I took me some advanced breathing techniques to finally regain my composure
and return as a functioning member of society. I ask of you to spread the
word and don't have what happed to me happen to you.

Thanks you and have a good day,

Miked