If You're Keeping Score This Would Be Chapter 5 "The Dark Times"

From the Fall of 2017 until The Spring of 2018 give or take, I was actively trying to lose weight and making little to no progress. 

I was counting calories and tracking what I ate and trying to move when I could even though I had gained all this weight.  The orthotics that fixed my broken foot had inadvertently aggravated the arthritis in my knees.  It's true, my foot no longer hurt but now my knees were killing me and unstable.

Weighing in on a weekly basis brought more disappointment, being as big as I am/was allows me to eat around 3800 calories a day and still lose weight.  I was eating around 2800 and still gaining weight.  I knew I needed to move more but I also knew that I should be losing weight at this calorie level.  It was around this time that I consulted my then doctor about what might be going on.  He advised me that I just needed to add more exercise to my daily routine.  This was something at the time that was not so easily done.  So i started physical therapy and swimming a couple days a week. 

And still the scale betrayed my efforts. It was about march of 2018 when I decided to go in search of a new team to work with me on getting healthy. By this time I had used my allotted physical therapy and swimming that insurance would pay for.  I was also down to eating between 1700-2000 calories a day and you guessed it, still gaining weight. 

By late Spring early Summer, I had found a new doctor and we set out running the requisite tests to find out if there was indeed something medically wrong with me.  My blood work came back basically normal for someone that at the time was over 600lbs.  The exception was my insulin level.  It was extremely elevated. We started to work with my then newly found nutritionist Dietician and cut out a lot of the sugars and sweets that I was eating with the exception of my daily Coca-Cola.  

Coke was my kryptonite. It was becoming my last source of food that still had the power to comfort me. The almost romantic feelings I had surrounding an ice cold coke helped me bury a lot of feelings.  Another chapter...

The extremely elevated insulin levels did not mean that I was diabetic, I am not. What it means is that everything I was eating was being turned directly into fat. The reason I was not losing any weight

The dietary changes we made were allowed to settle in for a couple of months. By August-September of 2018 I had my blood redrawn and the results were only slightly better.

Enter Metformin

Metformin is a widely used drug for lowering insulin levels.  It has helped tens of thousands of people lower their insulin levels and help manage their diabetes.
The dosage of metformin is ramped up every two weeks until the desired therapeutic level is achieved.

The only real potential side effect from Metformin is diarrhea on the initial introduction to your system. IN ALMOST ALL PATIENTS THIS GOES AWAY AFTER TWO WEEKS. IN ALMOST ALL PATIENTS THIS GOES AWAY AFTER TWO WEEKS.

I am going to go out on a limb and say that if you are still reading this you have suffered a bout of diarrhea a time or two in your life. To say the very least it is unpleasant. What happened to me was an epic odyssey where I was literally watching my quality of life run out of my backside.

I was on Metformin for 2-3 days when the first wave of post-meal diarrhea hit. There was gurgling and a buildup of pressure that came on so fast I almost did not make it to the toilet.   It was lunchtime and I was at work and I didn't really think at the time that this was going to be the start of a very frustrating and time in my life.

For the next couple of days from anywhere from twenty minutes to two hours after eating  I would experience what I can only call explosive and debilitating diarrhea.  I consulted my doctor to let her know what was happening and she assured me it was temporary and by the end of the second week it would all be over and I would be enjoying the benefits of having much lowered insulin levels and finally after a year of trying, some weight loss.  Well I am a trooper and I desperately want to be healthy so I decided to stick it out for the required two weeks. 

By mid way through the second week I was becoming irritable.  I could not eat or drink enough and what ever I did eat came right out with a vengeance.  These episodes of diarrhea were unlike anything I had ever experienced. Not only did the food and nourishment leave me at an almost ballistic-like rate, but after each bout I was left feeling as though I had been hit by a truck.  I would be left feeling weak and unfocused. This feeling would last an hour or more after a blast of diarrhea. In less than two weeks my life became this unpredictable chaotic mess where if I made plans I could not be sure I could keep them.  I never knew when an episode of the shits would overcome me. 

By Monday of the third week I called the doctor and said "no mas".  I could not take it anymore. She agreed and told me to stop taking it and resume a diet with little to no sugar.

The diarrhea DID NOT STOP!!!  I REPEAT DID NOT STOP. Over the course of the next week the diarrhea did not stop.  I had a complete lack of energy,  I was hungry beyond words and could not drink enough. I had made a return trip to the doctor for fecal culture and more blood work to again see if there was something medically causing this digestive distress. Everything came back normal.

During the fourth week, I had few bowel movements that were more "predictable" yet by no means what I would describe as firm. By this time, we were coming into the holiday season and I could not have been feeling worse.  While the diarrhea was not nearly as severe as it had been it had not exactly cleared up either. 

By the time Christmas rolled around I was finally having some firm bowel movements but still having explosive blow outs 3-4 times a week at random intervals. We did everything trying to find out if it was certain foods that were causing it and nothing could be ruled in or out with any certainty.  

There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to what caused my diarrhea.  It was February-March 2019 when I had a flare up of diverticulitis that really exasperated things.  I cut everything out of my diet that would irritate the diverticulitis and that coupled with now frequent diarrhea had me back at the doctor.  More blood work and some extensive food allergy/sensitivity tests were ordered.  The initial blood work came back negative and unfortunately the allergy/sensitivity testing took at least four weeks to get back. It was also during this time that I had an ultrasound done on my gallbladder to rule out that as a cause of the diarrhea.  I had known for a couple of years that I had a gall stone and while I was symptom free in regards to a gallbladder flare up we just wanted to rule out any other causes.  This ultrasound came back that I indeed still had the stone.  A surgical consult was ordered for some definitive answers to what in the hell was causing the massive amounts of completely unpredictable diarrhea that was now going into its seventh month of happening. Going into May 2019 we also decided to schedule an appointment with a highly recommended GI doctor in Toledo.  I was to the point of great frustration as I was not getting any answers and still having symptoms. It would be July 3rd before I would be able to get in with the specialist but at least I had an appointment.

It was around this time that my food sensitivity/allergy tests came back. At this point, I wasn't looking forward to finding out I may have food allergies/sensitivities but I was desperately and I mean desperately seeking answers to my issues. I was by no means prepared for what I was about to hear from my doctor.  According to my test results I had major food sensitivities to amongst other things the big three, dairy, gluten, and eggs. The test results read to AVOID foods containing these things and a list of many many more common foods.

I was not born with the panic gene.  I have been blessed with remaining pretty level headed when the shit really hits the fan (no pun intended).  However, being told that eating all the healthy foods you just spent the last year retraining yourself to eat and enjoy were actually the same foods that were slowly killing you over time was a bit overwhelming. I came from steak and potatoes, pizza, pop and candy and was healthier than I was at multi-vegetable, chicken breast and salad.  My ever supportive lovely wife scrambled the jets and hit the health food stores for foods not only compatible with my diverticulitis but also my new found food sensitivities.

It was by no fault of her own that what my wife brought back was nothing short of horrible. There is a reason you never see bone broth souffle on the menus of great restaurants (or any restaurants for that matter).  For the next two weeks I tiptoed though some of the grossest foods I ever put in my face cave.  I was becoming more and more malnourished and was feeling washed out and very very tired.  My voice of reason was my nutritionist Dietician who upon seeing me after two weeks and a 23 pound weight loss over those two weeks said "just go eat".  Ah the voice of reason.  

What I have come to realize is there are food sensitivities and food allergies.  People with food allergies are the folks that go into respiratory distress and shock upon even looking at suspect foods.  I don't have that.  I have symptoms of digestive distress. Over the course of the next three weeks to a month I have been testing the waters with suspect foods and the foods that cause me to poop my brains out and the ones that I eat very little of.

As of this writing, I have been relatively symptom free and pooping normally for the last six weeks or so.  It has brought back some confidence in doing things away from a toilet and has returned some normalcy to our lives.Oh and the trip to the GI doctor cemented what we are doing is the right thing.  Slow but the right way.  I hope that my seven months of water shits are behind me. Plus I get to keep my gallbladder.

And fuck you Metformin.

Miked


  Copyright 2019 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

The Shrinking of The Heads (Chapter 4)

Help is always where you look?  However you must being a willing participant and willing to also put in the work.  

Often times it is the asking for help that is the hardest part.  We must put those feelings aside.

The stigma in this country surrounding mental health and the people that need the help needs to be put to rest in this country and culture. 

One of the common themes I will write, preach, and bitch about is that the help people need in the medical industry (it is an industry) is not anywhere as easy to find and pay for as it should be. Not to mention the level of care (as if) is sometimes appalling. They call it medical care, but what it is feels a lot more like not caring, it is a lot of extra work by the patient to find providers that care, and follow through with that care. The insurance companies are also almost criminal in their coverage or lack thereof.

When I buy car insurance they don't tell me what roads I can drive on. There is no stay out of Michigan clause! Sure there are sheep that go for the plug in "discount" modules but that's a whole other support group.  Yet the health insurance industry has made up networks and lined its pockets with the blood money of patients everywhere.

When I first started this journey we were told of a nutrition/workout program sponsored by a local hospital.  We went to an initial meeting and it sounded like something that could have really kick started my willingness to get healthy. However my hopes were dashed, this program was not aligned with my insurance companies network. No soup for me. Oh but wait, my lovely wife's insurance company does cover it! Hallelujah! I'm in! Oh nope, sorry you can't jump insurance companies. Go get your help elsewhere. Now my hamstring hurts!!!!

Ok we got a little off topic here back to the mental health thing. 

I love therapy! Yep love it and think everyone should go. The world would be a lot better place if everyone went to therapy and opened up a little. 

This is my second time that I have been in therapy.  The first time was in 2011-2012 and it really taught me a lot about myself.

As I gained more weight I became more and more shut off to my "normal" life.  I started to shut down and become unable to do the things in my life that most people take for granted. Not just physically unable to do things because of my broken foot, but becoming increasingly anxious about doing anything that would cause me discomfort. This was, as I have come to realize a manifestation of the symptoms of my total unhealthy state. I was completely devoid of any energy due to my sleep apnea, the folks that corrected my foot caused some collateral damage with some arthritis in my knees and I just generally was feeling like shit.

In August of 2018, after spending 4-5 months spinning my wheels talking with two other counselors, and waiting for three months for an appointment with a highly recommended therapist my appointment date arrived and I could finally work on coming out of this fog.

One of the many things I love about therapy is learning about myself and becoming mindful of my habits and proclivities. Just being aware is a huge part of the battle. Through the work I have done in therapy I have been given the mental tools to let go of the things that were hindering my success.  I have learned that the food that I once used for comfort and "sport eating" no longer has that power over me. I have also learned that there should be no such thing as a diet. I am learning to make life long changes to a healthier me. I am embracing the "healthy at any weight" philosophy.  I realize that the BMI ratings are skewed and  that not everybody will fall within that standard.  I have learned to go easier on myself and that whatever my condition it is ok, it is just my albatross, the thing that I have to deal with in my life.

I am starting to heal.

Along the way things like gratitude and love come back into your life.  I am grateful for everyone's encouragement through this and it is not even close to being over. Buckle up, pour a cocktail, kick up your feet and enjoy the ride.....and if you find yourself in a spot of bother and need some help, please do yourself the favor and get the help, its not easy but you are worth it.

Miked


Copyright 2019 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Meat and Potatoes

Commonly Known as Chapter 3

Growing up in a very loving home where your father affectionately referred to your mother as "Lady Kielbasa" it was not much of a stretch to say we lived in a home where food played an integral part of all aspects of our lives.  Special occasions called for special meals or foods or desserts.  The one thing most of these foods had in common, besides that fact that they were yummy, was that they  were devoid of real nutritional value.  Sure there were salads and vegetables but my god I was sure a good dose of broccoli could be deadly.

This home life was compounded by my inherent nature to comfort myself with food.  Sweets, Doritos, French Onion Dip, chocolate milk, and pizza just to name a few.  Growing up obese and medicating with food started me down a path of unhealthy behavior and denial that did much collateral damage as well.

In the spring of 2018, I walked into the office of a nutritionist Dietician I had never met and asked her to teach me how to eat.  Not just teach me how to eat but to teach me how to eat healthy.  

I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I asked her to teach me not only what to eat but why to eat it.  Through much work and letting go of a lot of emotional ties to food, I can now say that I am making great progress with regards to my relationship with food.  With the help of my nutritionist Dietician and my therapist I have loosened the grip that food had on me.  I now am mindful of the fact that food itself provides no help in dealing with my emotional issues.

I am not perfect and never will be, and while I still reflex to food as comfort in some situations. I am learning more and more to be mindful and let go.

When I started this quest I thought that my relationship with food was going to be my biggest problem.  I could not have been more wrong. Although it was/is far from easy for me, turning my food habits around was far more enjoyable and then the rest of the issues   

My old friends Coca-Cola and large pizza are left virtually powerless over me. Something I never thought possible.  I have new friends now, the chicken breast and fresh vegetables.  They too are powerless over me, but I don't try to make them do what they were never intended too.

Miked

Copyright 2019 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

Chapter 2

When you are severely obese there are things you deny.  Secondary issues that you know are a direct result of your condition yet do not seem to really be an issue on their own.  Aches, pains, sore joints etc.  When my foot healed (no pun intended) I was going to have to be fitted for orthotics for my shoes.  Oh yeah nothing like having your new orthotics change your shoe size from fourteen to fifteen-four E.  The unicorn of shoe sizes.  There will be more on shoes later.  The foot thing is not over.

One of the first issues my doctor and I tackled was Sleep Apnea.  This was something that I was sure I had had for years but choose to deny the symptoms or issues related to this condition.  Surely my ego was in the way of any progress here.  My wife had been telling me all about my "weird breathing" and the lack there of in entirety for years.  It's true, often times I would "wake up" completely unrested.  I would fall asleep all the time, anywhere, anytime.  There were the other fun things no one likes to talk about.  Pissing the bed from time to time.  Seems when you are literally passing out multiple times an hour you literally lose any control of your bodily functions. I had all these things, yet didn't want to admit it.  

First thing ordered after a myriad of blood-work, sleep study.  I was devastated, sleep was the one thing I thought I could do just like anyone else.  Now that too was going to be fucked with.  

It came as absolutely NO surprise when the results of the sleep study came back.  I had severe Sleep Apnea, SEVERE!  I was averaging around sixty-eight disruptions an hour.  That's right, I'm aware that is more than one disruption a second.  So if you average zero minutes of sleep per hour, times six to eight hours a night, you average ZERO minutes of rest a night!

What did come as total shock was how incredible I felt after just waking up from the sleep study!  I have never done cocaine hopefully never will but I equated the burst of energy I had cursing through me with the similar experiences relayed by someone on coke.

On the list of world's greatest bullheaded people my late father's name is somewhere amongst the top ten.  Just below him is me.  The damage I probably did to myself and the utter denial and stupidity and complete lack of respect I had for the warning signs were all completely eclipsed by how great I felt coming off the night of the sleep study.  I could not believe it would take almost two weeks of paperwork and insurance horse shit to get my own machine.

Ego be damned, I was now masking up for bed and loving every second of it! 

Miked

Copyright 2019 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

How ya'll are?

07-05-2019

Very good morning,                         

For the last two years I have been fighting to not just recover from a broken foot but to come back even better.  This journey has been absolutely the hardest thing I have ever undertaken.  My condition has put undue stress on me, on my job, on my wife and on my marriage.  I have missed events, been present and absent at the same time and exhibited behavior I never thought I was capable of.

Eighteen months ago after trying to lose weight to no avail for 6-8 months and actually gaining a lot more weight in the process, I decided to take responsibility for my heath for the first time in my life.

I knew that what I needed was not a diet, it was not a surgery,  it was not going to be an quick fix, there was no magic pill, but I was not exactly prepared for what was coming my way.

At my heaviest I weighed 617lbs.

In March-April 2018 I decided I needed a new support team in addition to my awesome wife and wonder mutt.  I set out to try and find a nutritionist Dietician,  a therapist and a new primary care doctor that was proactive with my condition.

I, like most started with the Googler and started searching nutritionists Dieticians and therapists that dealt with obesity and eating disorders.  Little did I know that this was just the start of the frustration.  People that specialize in things like eating disorders and obesity are few and far between.  For the most part the people that did specialize were absolutely swamped.  Or, because of the world we live in didn't take my insurance.

After a 3-4 month search I finally was able to partially assemble my team.  I found a nutritionist Dietician, whom without question, has been nothing less than instrumental in teaching me how to eat.  That's correct teach me how to eat.  Sure I knew what I liked and how to shovel it in my proverbial tongue cave but in reality I knew nothing about food.  Plus I had always figured that vegetables caused death.  Through the work that I have done with her I have done a complete one-hundred and eighty degree turnaround with regards to my intake of nutritious and healthy foods. 

My second piece of the puzzle was the addition of a new primary care doctor.  In my case, a nurse practitioner, she too, is very proactive and worked with me to find some answers for me and my condition.

I did audition a couple of therapists and ended up putting my name on the waiting list for an woman that came highly recommended by multiple sources.  It was the end of August 2018 before I was able to schedule an appointment.  I am so glad I did.

So now the team is assembled and I will be bringing you up to date on the trials and tribulations that come from being extremely overweight.

Feel free to comment or ask questions.

Miked

Copyright 2019 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media

I got sucked in and thought it mattered...

I have decided to take a little break from Facebook. It was wearing me out and ultimately keeping me from some of the things I really want to accomplish.  I got caught up in the minutia of needing to see the latest crash video or pictures of the latest firearms pics/news. However I believe I was pushed over the edge is all the political horse shit. Anyhow I took the app off my phone.  I can be reached at
B33fst3w@yahoo.com. I'm not saying I'll never be back on Facebook but for now I'm taking a break.

May we all continue to heal

These are my words not yours

Michael J  Drouard


2016 Dunbridge Truckstop World Service

Don't go turnin heals....

It has been a very trying week thus far.  Lots of thoughts about loved ones who've gone to soon.  My own good work has closed one chapter and opened another.  Acceptance and personal growth have become paramount for me and it is now more important than ever to buckle down and remind myself that the pain is ok and that there is still work to do.  Help is where you find it when you ask for it.  Opening yourself up to it can be the most daunting task.  Getting a handle of your life and taming some of your demons is by no means easy.  I encourage you all to explore and forgive yourselves continue to work on healing.

These are my words not yours.

Copyright 2014 Dunbridge Truckstop Global Media